Nick's Lantern Application

In case you havent seen it, this is the writing portion of the application that I filled out for The Lantern. There was an advertisement towards the end of fall quarter in the paper saying that they were looking for freelance writers and that you had to fill out an application and also submit a sample article describing "A Day at OSU." I got an email saying that they liked my application and they would like me to write for them. I'm planning on exploring this possibility, but of course, my allegiance still lies strong with Buckeye Backtalk, so fear not. Here is the sample article (initially meant to be a joke) that I submitted to them:



A typical day for me begins somewhere around 2pm when I finally awaken after having “accidentally slept through” my two classes. My roommate has already been up for 7 hours and is hard at work at his desk, studying for his looming psychology final. I have studying to do too, but alas, it’s time to eat.
I head next door to Buckeye Express, walk straight past the tubs of popcorn chicken and head directly for the cookies and Little Debbie cakes. I’d grab some popcorn chicken, but I’m afraid that after having consumed it five times in the span of one year, my body has developed distaste for it and rejects it forcefully in the form of hot liquid fecal matter. So I get in line to swipe for my breakfast of Swiss Cake Rolls and Hi-C only to realize that the 93 year old woman is there swiping the cards.
Muriel, or at least that’s what I call her, sits there all morning with the simple task of having to swipe a card, but her ineptitude leads it to be quite the complicated ordeal. She has to pick through your food and announce out loud what each individual item is rather than just totaling it all on the new-fangled computer sitting in front of her, which makes each trip to buckeye express more nauseating than hearing about Payne Stewart’s fatal plane crash.. To make matters worse, when anyone uses their swipes for grocery items, she doesn’t know the price of anything and asks you to tell her how much each item you’ve picked up costs. It’s too bad she wasn’t one of Andrea Yates’ offspring.
The rest of the day goes smoothly as I play video games for 6 hours and then go back to bed. God bless OSU.